Let the forgotten leper out of the slumber room of consciousness

Let's pick up where we left off: a leper with halitosis. Of course, the major downside to being a leper would not be bad breath, as much as the inability to hold on to your body parts. I laugh at those emo kids, with their cultivated dysfunctionality and overindulgent sensitivity; when you have leprosy, you literally fall to pieces.
One of the good things about a post on leprosy is that you're very unlikely to offend anyone. According to Wikipedia, the disease is practically non-existent in contemporary Europe.

Now, as is often the case with unpleasant things we leave behind, leprosy is no longer a popular subject of conversation among educated, well-bread people. We'd rather talk about  the Yen exchange rate or the bailout plan to save the fattest banker in the world from having to give up one or two of his 127 mansions in a fiscal paradise as yet uncharted and unknown to the rabble. We are losing the enormous comic and narrative potential of leprosy.

Now, I don't think any child in the western world has grown up without watching, at least once but more probably several times, The Wizard of Oz. We loved and sympathised with the scarecrow in need of a brain, the tin man who would not resign to living without a heart, and the lion man who finally found his courage through comradeship. What was missing from the mix was clearly a leper.

Just picture it: the poor fellow would scatter bits of skin, fingernails and a few phalanxes all along the Yelllow Brick Road, happily sauntering and singing along with Dorothy and the others. The particular reason he's travelling to the Emerald City is that he needs some glue, for obvious reasons. "Mr Leper!" the tin man would call out "you dropped your left pinky! Pick it up at once, before the Wicked Witch of the West swoops down on her broom and gets away with it!" Yeah, I'd like to see the ugly old bitch get within a twenty meter radius of a leper. Of course Dorothy and her friends would be exposed to contagion themselves, but the Wizard is bound to have a cure. So, with Mr Leper by her side, Dorothy's journey would be a walk in the park. Obviously, the revolting man would have a song of his own. I think I know what the lyrics might be. If you remember the tune to "If I only had a brain" you can give it a go:

Well, I hate to be imposing,
but I am decomposing,
that's why my heart is blue...
it would be so much better
if I stopped being a shedder
if I only had some glue.

All the limbs you take for granted
I struggle to keep planted
I'm rotting through and through
life could be so fantastic
with a few drops of Bostik
if I only had some glue...